Fourteen Carrots: January 2013

Fourteen Carrots is immensely excited and eternally grateful to present you with this exclusive interview with pop culture icon Weird Horse.

Let me put it simply: I adore Weird Horse. He is the bee's knees, the cat's meow. He is the sloth's third toe!

Weird Horse, photo from his Twitter profile

If you are not acquainted with this social medial sensation and guru (as he may call it, a "gu-ewe"), let me spell it out: you must be. Weird Horse has an unprecedented grasp of pop culture (for a horse) and his succinct prose is both efficient and powerful. Mr. Fourteen Carrots first found Weird Horse on his Twitter feed. Knowing of our common interests in carrots, he introduced me to this lovely Brittish enthusiast of parsley and worms.
Weird Horse is a busy, busy gelding across the pond, designing fashion fit for the Wellington runways; attending Farm strategy meetings; and still finding time to enjoy the swans and goats of his home. Though Weird Horse is most often intelligently creating satire and comedy, he also has a deeper insightful side as well. Along with Baffled Farmer, they are redefining the social landscape of the modern farm.

Fourteen Carrots was blessed with the opportunity to be able to sit down in the virtual barn with Weird Horse. This is surely the most important piece in the history of Fourteen Carrots' journalism. So fix yourself a proper cuppa' and enjoy this special insight into Weird Horse's mind. We think this may be the most amount of words he has ever neighed at one time.

Fourteen Carrots: You speak eloquently about the farmer, goats, badgers, cows and slugs. Tell us, is there a special rider in your life?
Weird Horse: In a word, no. As a former employee of the West Hampstead Police mounted branch, I have done my time. Since then I've never really practiced the canter and I rarely amble anyway. Farmer often takes me down to the shops when his tractor is in for repair, but it's nothing too major. Sometimes I let worms climb onto my back so I can give them a tour of the field; it gives them a new insight into how life as a horse would be. It often makes them jealous but it's nice to give something back to the little ones.

Fourteen Carrots: Tell us more about the otters.

Weird Horse: It's a difficult one. Otters are great and I'd be the first to come out and say that, but there are a lot of them. During the colder months on the farm they can become a real nuisance because they rarely settle down. All day long they insist on scurrying up and down the fields, bumping into our legs and nibbling at our hooves. That's why a lot of them are kicked into bushes. It can be quite literally, an otter nightmare.

Fourteen Carrots: Here at Fourteen Carrots, we are huge fox-hunting enthusiasts. Do you participate in this Brittish tradition?

Weird Horse: I took park in one, against my own will in 2004. I was very young and it was intense. A little too intense for me. I don't really get on with dogs you see. Foxes either. I'm very emotionally closed at times and my social life has been affected by this.

Fourteen Carrots: Have you ever been in the Tardis?

Weird Horse: We used to watch a show about a time-traveling sheep called Doctor Ewe. That's the only time I've come across a Tardis. There's a phone box just outside our farm on the country path but I dare not go inside. Just in case really. Also, I can't fit or make calls because of the hooves.

Property of Weird Horse

Fourteen Carrots: If you had fourteen carrots, an onion and sprig of parsley, what would you do with them?

Weird Horse: I'm a real sucker for carrots. I adore parsnips and I love a good onion. If I had fourteen carrots, I'd probably eat thirteen and keep the final one for sniffing. If you have a good imagination, a sniff can be as powerful as a bite. The sprig of parsley sounds incredible. I sometimes sprinkle parsley on goats because they sneeze. I'd probably just do that. I'd probably donate the onion to a malnourished swan.

Fourteen Carrots: What is your favorite mane and tail styling product?

Weird Horse: No preference really. I use mud or snail-trail for my mane. I like to brush it to the right and gallop at speed into the wind. The tail is left to farmer as I don't see it. Out of sight, out of mind they say and it's just as well, because boy can that tail get messy after a busy Saturday afternoon.

I don't know about you, but I am totally trying out Weird Horse's snail-trail styling tip!
Many, many thanks to Weird Horse for donating his time to Fourteen Carrots and its readers. As well, this couldn't have been made possible without Baffled Farmer. Please do check out their 2013 calendar, which I have at Casa de Carrots reminding me of important dates like Dr. Dre's birthday and organizing activities and appointments for my own personal weird horses.

Image property of Weird Horse

Weird horse can be followed on Twitter here and on found at his website here.

I am confused about whether this "hairdo" counts as an outfit or not. But this just demanded to be blagged about so here it is under Equine Outfit of the Day.

Most of the horses at my dressage barn keep hairy legs and a saddle pad spot. This particular fellow, Amigo, has some extra awesome flare to go along with his winter shave.

As if Amigo isn't bad ass enough already being a dressage Arabian and all. Ta Da!

Amigo sporting Marvel Comic character "The Punisher"

Please do forgive the terribleness of the photos. I had a hell of a time photographing Amigo's ass end.

Even if you don't know who is on Amigo's rear, this would be pretty cool in and of itself. But, even better, the image is the Marvel Comic character "The Punisher."

My interpretation of this symbolism is that Amigo is going to punish the other horses this spring by getting really high scores on his dressage tests. No, I do not yet know what would count as a high dressage score.

I personally feel that Amigo's Punisher is somewhat reminiscent of an Ood.